8 Reasons Why We Fall in Love With Someone
Why do we fall in love with people? According to author Paul Debransky of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, these are the most common factors that initially spark that attraction with the beloved.
1. Similarity in background
We’re initially attracted to people who we have a lot in common with – who can understand where we come from and how we feel about things. But similarity is not a great factor for longevity! Being too similar can have adverse effects down the line. Like when you both turn out to be alpha personalities and can’t come to an agreement on something small, like where to eat for dinner on your anniversary (bummer!)
That’s right. And this book isn’t the first one to say it. We fall in love with people we’re close to, literally. It’s just easier. The same is true for people we make friends with.
3. Reciprocal affection
Knowing we’re liked makes us more attracted to the situation. It’s a psychological fact. The same way sugar is addictive.
4. Opportunities to be alone together
When you’re alone it’s easier to let the sparks fly. You might crush on someone without spending time alone, but you won’t get to know them – and really fall head over heels – until you’re by yourselves and able to speak candidly to each other without worrying what people around you might think. Also, it helps that when you’re by yourself, you can be yourself.
5. Working Together
Doing a project together and creating something lets you bond and develop emotional attraction to someone – the prime mover to the heart.
6. Physical and emotional arousal
Obviously, you fall in love with someone who appeals to you aesthetically. Someone who excites your senses as well as your emotions.
7. Approval of people in our circle
When your friends say “he’s cute” or compliment you on your boyfriend it makes you feel confident that you’ve made a good choice. Be careful of this, though. Your friends are seeing only a very narrow view of who this person is.
8. Voice, eyes, body language
Sometimes it’s their voice that excites you or their eyes that send your heart aflutter. Again, these are initial superficial ways we become attracted to someone that make us fall deeper in love. (It is not a good indicator of a good partner, however.)
To get a better understanding of how to meet your best partner, you should read the book! It’s a life changer.
Girl Talk Time: What else would you add to this list from your own experience?